Twinking the Noobs

Someone or something is upgrading low-end super criminals, and making them somewhat tougher to defeat. Thankfully, we have continued to defeat them and put them back in prison where they belong. The opposite of thankfully, we still have no idea who or what is modifying these people. We have a few enemies we've face recently who may be responsible, so we're going to investigate them more thoroughly.

On a more personal note, we here at the New Guard celebrated Christmas this week, some of us for the first time. I'm told there's some controversy in this country around this time of year, because some people celebrate one holiday and others celebrate different holidays. Even so, I think we can all agree that it's nice to have a time of year devoted to spending time with the people you love, no matter what you call it, and no matter which traditions you follow. So to you, the good citizens of Lakeport, I say Merry Christmas to all, except those for whom that phrase has unfortunate religious or cultural connotations. To them I say have a good day during December 25th and surrounding time periods, regardless of your personal religious or philosophical beliefs, which I respect and acknowledge in a totally non-judgmental way.

*Clarification* In case you aren't "down" with the "lingo" of the internet, "twinking" means that a more powerful character in an MMORPG gives weapons and items to a lower level character to help them progress more quickly. It's appropriate in this context because someone considerably more powerful than these criminals is helping them with technology they can't possibly be getting on their own in order to help them cause more mayhem than they could otherwise cause.

The Battle with War Hamster

Having recently worked my way through many of the classic American films of the 1980s, I'm hoping to be able to use and understand more pop cultural references. Please let me know if I'm doing it wrong.

"Strange things are afoot at the Circle K." We have encountered several extra-planetary or extra-dimensional foes recently, some with exceptionally advanced technology. We were still able to do our job, but it's getting more and more difficult to know who we're really fighting and what we'll need to do to win. We can't very well incarcerate an entire dimension, so we may need to figure out how to get them back where they came from and keep them there. We're also going to have to find out who upgraded War Hog into War Master (or War Hamster, as I decided to call him). He had significant increases in power and weaponry, and that's the sort of thing we want to nip in the bud.

We're really trying to manage the influx of enemies into the Lakeport area, there just seem to be so many people attacking different targets for different reasons. We need to start capturing and containing some of these threats so we don't have to worry about them coming back to attack us again and again. We will prevail, of course, it will just be a difficult path to walk.

The Ultimate Prequel

Well, we've learned something very interesting. Lady Sinister, who I mentioned in my last entry, has returned, but in a much younger form. She appears to be stuck in our world or dimension or time, and looking to get back to her own. She was the leader of the group of pirates who were raiding our fair city this past week, and it seems that their technology is significantly advanced beyond our own. Thankfully, the New Guard were able to fend off the more advanced ships and arrest a large number of the men who were aboard them. Hopefully, through interviews and reading what we can gather from the ship we captured, we can get some more information on who these people are, where they come from and what exactly they're after.

In other news...really there is no other news. Fighting some inter-dimensional pirates took up a pretty fair amount of our time. In any case, thank you for reading!

Freakin' Time Ninjas?

As our recent fights have most likely been overshadowed by the recent severe weather, I'll be as open as I can here. We all attempted to help citizens stranded by the storm as much as possible. Shift was providing transport for people and vehicles, Pandora squelched an attempted robbery, Gemini helped a confused older gentleman to a shelter, Hierophant helped a pregnant woman to a hospital in time to deliver her baby and Black Raven assisted Shift and Pandora when needed. I dealt with a downed power line, but was pulled through some kind of warp portal into a different part of the city.

The "ninjas" as we're calling them, are dressed all in a creamy white color, with very pale skin and eyes without pupils or irises. Their hands are actually long, bony claws that are incredibly hard and sharp. They also generally wore small black devices on their upper left arms, which we later learned were particularly susceptible to attack. Their ability to leap from place to place seemed to be keyed to shadows, a theory supported by their use of bright lights in several of the engagements. The snow storm diffused the normal light, making shadows pale and ineffective, it seems. Their use of bright lights indicates that they can only warp through fairly deep shadows, something that will undoubtedly be useful knowledge in the future.

Hierophant got the sense from them that were displaced in time, leading us to believe they come from the future. After tracing one back to his source in this time, we saw a woman with a sword strikingly similar to my own who called herself "Lady Sinister." She insisted that I needed to die, a contention that the time ninjas seemed to take to heart. One of them referred to me as "The Usurper" which does seem a bit strange. I'm not aware of having usurped anything in my life. I really don't think I'm the usurping sort. I'm going to have to see what I can learn about my own future to see what causes this issue. Since I am one who believes in the concept of two-dimensional time, the fact that I survive long enough for them to be sent back to kill me doesn't really reassure me. I think I need to ensure that I am ready for attack at all times, and continue working on improving my personal defensive capabilities. I have been meditating much more than usual recently, forcing my body to take me to the edge of unconsciousness so I am more comfortable working in that realm. I am also experimenting with several techniques I read about involving rejecting death on a physical and spiritual level. We will have to see how my work progresses.

I do want to take this time to thank my teammates for all of their assistance with this issue. None of them were personally threatened by the attackers, but they all placed themselves in harm's way to help me. I could not have survived without their help, and they have my gratitude. Having grown up in a situation where I didn't feel quite like I had a real family, I can now say without hesitation that the New Guard is my family in every way that really matters. 友達、ありがとうございます。

Disturbing Revelations

We enjoyed meeting the Spicerton Knights this week, and are grateful for their assistance with a question we had. We are not grateful to the pair of time-traveling ninjas who attacked me while I was trying to help drivers stranded around the city by the storm. Thankfully, they didn't succeed in their attempt to assassinate me, but they got much closer than I would like. I'm going to have to work on my personal shield some more in case they have any friends.

We're still working on several investigations at the moment, so there isn't much more to tell, unfortunately. I would love to share the details with you all, but we can't risk our enemies knowing how much we know or which direction we intend to go. I hope you all understand.

I do want to give a shout-out to the Hiero-fan, as we've taken to calling her. She's a very nice lady, and we can use all the friends we can get these days.

Another One Rides the Bus

We had something of a feeling of deja vu here at the New Guard recently. Someone (or several someones) attempted to hijack the prisoner transfer vehicle taking several supers we had captured to a more secure facility for long term incarceration. The means of attack was something we are still investigating, but we have several leads on it. We also encountered a new super on the Lakeport scene while we were there. His name is Hellquin, and he seems to have a decidedly more lethal modus operandi than the New Guard. We obviously dislike crime, and seek to stop criminals from hurting people, but we don't think that it is necessary to use lethal force to do so. Killing, in the vast majority of instances, is wrong, even when the victim isn't a saint. Because we didn't want to sit by and watch Hellequin mete out his own brand of justice, we were forced to fight against him. We managed to hurt him badly, but he escaped before we could capture him.

Of the criminals who were attempting escape, several managed to get away but we defeated the majority and ensured that they would finish the trip they started. Those who did escape will likely be on the local news channels soon. If you see them, do not attempt to make any kind of contact with them. They are all extremely dangerous. If you can do so without drawing attention to yourself, contact the authorities immediately. The New Guard will also be on the lookout for them and we are confident in our ability to recapture them and send them on their way to the proper facilities.

Thank you for reading.

A note to those who need to get to us via e-mail

Good day; I am Dexter, and I am the one who runs things technical for the New Guard and I'm pleased to work with them. I'm also the one who operated the robot that defused one of the Giants of Industry during that great unpleasantness.

But now for the matter at hand: For those of you who have a pressing need to get a hold of the New Guard via e-mail, just use e-mail. I read each and every e-mail that comes into our server, and I know which ones are important and which ones are not.

That's not to say that we don't like all the e-mails we get; it's just that the ones asking where Shift got his ink done and ones from a government agency asking for assistance will be treated differently.

So, please stop using interesting programs to try to get your e-mail to the top of the list. If you need to be at the top of the list, you will already be there. If you use a program to move yourself up in the Queue of Attention, that will just make the New Guard wonder what is wrong with you.

And now to answer some of the more common questions that we have received:
1. Yes, they are just as pretty as they appear to be.
2. Yes, they are just as handsome as they appear to be.
3. Yes, it is all over his body.
4. No, he doesn't know where the Mona Lisa was taken or how it got back.

Thank you.